I was laying on our bed resting after a fun filled day with 4 kids, and Q was wrestling with Stella on the bed. She lost her balance and all 30 plus lbs landed on the middle of my back. I wasn't expecting it and she didn't do it on purpose. But the shear impact made me cry like a baby. It took my breath away and I heard my back pop. The best way I can explain it is if felt like someone hit me with a baseball bat.
As I was lying there crying, Stella says, " Don't be sad, be happy Mom." Then she starts crying.
(So sensitive. I love her.) After I calmed down a bit, I later get a lecture from my ever so wise husband who says adults are not supposed to cry because of pain! He said he quit crying over pain back in high school! Sorry, tough guy, I cry when I get blind sided with extreme pain. And he thinks we're not supposed to cry in front of our kids. We need to be strong.
I was raised differently. I was raised that it is okay to show emotion. It is okay to cry for whatever reason it may be. If that was the emotion you were feeling then let it out!! ( Of course, if we carried on and on Dad would always say, "that's enough!" You know what I mean.
My question to you is this: Is it okay for adults to cry over physical pain or should we all be like Fergie ( she sings: Big Girls Don't Cry) and Mr. Wise man and buck up????
25 comments:
I think pain and tragedy are valid reasons to cry. Selfishness and rebellion are not. That's my take on it anyway.
I was raised like you . . . girls will show emotion. I believe if it's because of an emotion you're feeling, it's fine. I'm in agreement with Mother Hood states, that if it's for selfish (or manipulative reasons), definitely not! Pain is an emotion!!!
That's sweet that she was checking on you!
Heck, there used to be a Kodak commercial, with a father dancing with his daughter on her wedding day . . . it used to make me tear up every time! I wouldn't worry about it!
Crying or showing emotion isn't necessarily bad - it can be quite cathartic at times. But I do think we should have control of our emotions and decide when and where we should cry, laugh, etc. That said, I don't know that crying ever helps with physical pain...put me in Q's camp.
Go ahead girl and cry!!! I think it is perfectly healthy to cry and children need to know that we are human! Let's face it - pain hurts! I burned myself really bad while canning and kept on going without crying. It hurt really bad and about 20 minutes later I layed on bed and cried(it was a quiet cry). I thought no one would hear me. Tiana came in to check on me and it scared her so bad that she layed on the bed and cried with me - it would have been a lot less tramatic had I cried a little when it happened. Don't repress your feelings!! Put me in your court!! You can call and cry to me anytime!
I think it is okay and important to cry. I think it is especially okay for kids to see us cry, then they know it is okay to show emotion. I love it when guys cry... I think it is important for little guys to see that there are times the big guys do cry, and it is okay.... Go ahead, let it out!
I am a crier- That's just me. I let my kids see me cry, because that's who I am. I think it would be scary and confusing to them to hide it and then have them wonder why exactly I was crying. I want my children to know that what you feel makes you who you are- and if something is bad enough to make you cry than you should cry.
I think as a parent you need to honest. Your back hurt you. Badly. That's all there is to that. Wouldn't you want them to know that you're truthful with them?
I have to admit I don't cry easily, but I think it is ok to cry over physical and emotional pain...you have to release it somehow.
I don't think there is anything wrong with showing emotions. I don't think you have to be "tough" all the time. :o)
I agree with Quinton. I was the only girl with 3 brothers. Never admit weakness. A good scream is totally acceptable though.
Just kidding. I may have been raised that way, but I sure don't live by it now. Although the pre-cry scream is still a good outlet. :) Emotions happen, they are healthy within reason.
Have a good one, and cry it out baby!
If you gotta cry I say cry. Sometimes you just can't help it. I don't think I really cry from pain (but I don't really think I have been in a lot of pain) Give me a sad movie, and the waterworks start. Or if someone I love is upset and is crying...gets me every time.
Hope your back is feeling better.
Let me ask you something - if your kids cry because they got hurt, do you or Q tell them to buck up and be quiet? To take their lumps and quit showing weakness? Or do you tell them it's ok to cry and get it out and then move on?
So....what's the difference?
Even Jesus wept. And when He was crying in the Garden of Gethsemane, did God reach down and smack him on the back of the head? 'Pull up your big boy undies, Jesus. Time to get crucified." Um, no. He let Him cry and tried to be of comfort to Him.
You are not allowed to cry in front of your kids but you can cry in front of 50 people at you brother's wedding?!? What's up with that Mr. Toughy?! lol!!
When I'm in physical pain, I try to suck it up, just to prove myself. But I do allow myself to cry out of anger or frustration or happiness or when I feel like it.
I think that it is good to cry it relieves stress and besides sometimes you can't help it. It is ok to be sad. I don't think that you are showing weakness I think that you are showing your kids what is real. If you hold it all in your kids won't think that you are ever sad and i think that it is a good learning experience when they learn to comfort people when they are sad. They learn to be caring.
I agree with everyone. It's okay to cry.
OUCH! darn. It's okay to cry if you need to. Your husband means well. I'll be the first to say that men and women are created equal, but...we also think and act differently. We just view things from a different window. If your hurt, your hurt. If your sad your sad. We do what we need to, then move on.
ON A HAPPY NOTE!! Thank you for your swap!! My house is sure going to smell good, and I've got just the spot for my new initial. I'll have to move a picture of Christ(ummm)but I've got a great place for Him to go too. Thanks so much! I'll post it tomorrow.
Sandra
It better be okay, otherwise I'm in trouble. I not only cry when I'm in pain, like a cut or a 30 lb. something landing on my back, but I cry if I'm sick, stressed, angry, worried, oh, and happy.
It's like the only ammotion I have. My husband grew up with all boys and a mother who was not human. She never cried or showed emotion at all. So imagine his surprise when he married me! What is that wet substance falling from your eyes??
I say you can cry in front of your kids, it's human right?
Seems like the majority think it's okay to cry as a result of pain in front of your kids or alone in your closet. I agree. I think it is a natural reaction and one that for some reason always makes me feel just a little better.
What's not okay for me is to cry when one of my kids is badly hurt - that's the time to suck it up and be strong and brave!
I honestly can't remember the last time I cried over physical pain. Even giving birth I handled pain with laughing (don't ask). I cry more over emotional pain. And I do think it's okay to cry in front of your kids. They need to know it's alright. My husband doesn't cry often but depending on the situation and place he's been known to show emotion in front of the kids. I think it makes him more approachable and real. So I guess in answering your question, Yes I think it's okay to cry over something very painful.
Have a great weekend.
Kim
It is okay to cry. I have 4 kids too and have my share of accidents.
Stefani @ Mommy Enterprises
oh! Its absolutely fine sweety..I feel that by not showing our emotions & feelngs, our dear ones will miss something.. Just imagine if u stop showing your love to people around u.. Will it be fair? Even love is a kind of emotion, just like pain.. So feel free to pour out what ever u feel..
I say its OK for your kids to see you cry.....Its a real emotion!!
clicked on your link from a comment you left for baby cora- it caught my eye because as I was typing mine I realized I had typed almost the exact same thing as you!
Anyways- I'm a cry baby, I'm sure I cry too much. I don't have kids yet- but my feeling is that if they see you crying they'll know it's okay to cry and show emotion. I am not a fan of kids crying to get their way, but when it's about expressing emotion I think that's a good healthy thing to do... that's my opinion for what it's worth.
Hope your back is feeling better- I can't imagine!
I agree that crying is ok. Our kids need to see we are human.
I think your DH (and mine too!) is just a few kidney stones away a few tears himself. LOL (not that I wish these on him but know what I mean?)
Nope. If I get hurt I cry. Like a baby. Can't help it.
About 2 years ago I was on the ladder in my bath tub painting up high at the ceiling (vaulted ceilings) with socks on, no shoes (-genius!) and slipped. I had a paint roller in one hand and a paint can in the other so I just fell without being able to really catch myself. I hit my shin on the side of the bath tub and then busted my lip open on the edge of the toilet when my head hit the toilet. I cried and cried and cried.
BTW: Never stand on a ladder and paint with just socks. Wear shoes with good rubber tread.
Karol :0)
ok ok, now that we have had several women (and Christian) weigh in, I think it is time for the truth to be heard. I read ALL the comments left, and about 75% of you ladies cannot disconnect pain and sadness crying. I never said anyting about never crying, or it isn't ok to show emotion. Pain, is NOT an emotion, it is a sensory stimulation from the outside coming in. True emotional feeling is a chemical release or a nervous system response, from the inside going out. It is OK to cry if you are sad, emotionally hurt, or extremely happy. cool, whatever. but we are grown adults here people, we are not kids on the play ground. To say it is ok to do things our kids do is about as smart as bragging to your boss that "I just pooped on the potty" in the middle of a business meeting. Raise the level people. A lot of the comments started out good with "I can't remember the last time I cried because of pain" but then ended with "cry it out girl" or "if it hurts, cry".
Kasey, I know your family, I know your dad, he would tell you to suck it up too! Dick doesn't take any mess!
Bottom line, part of growing up and being adults is reacting to the outside world appropriately. Not throwing temper tantroms, not powting cause we didn't get our way, not yelling in a quite resturant, etc. part of that is not crying because we have an ouie.
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